Kampala, Uganda | By Michael Wandati | Have you ever tried to think deep about the meaning of the words in wedding vows—“for better or for worse… in plenty and in want… in joy and in sorrow… in sickness and in health… as long as we both shall live?”
Are these words just empty rhetorical tradition, or do they represent a genuine promise of commitment in any relationship? The longevity and quality of your relationship depends upon it!. Sometimes the only thing that keeps couples going is hope. But when worse comes to worst, men must learn to let go when a woman shows early signs and symptoms of self-centeredness, stubbornness and lack of clarity about the true meaning of your relationship.
I know they say love is blind, and to be in true love is somewhat tricky, you can’t realize if a woman is interested in you, or she is just tagging you along. Like one day she blows hot air, the next day she blows cold air. How are you able to quickly decipher whether this is a woman who actually wants to go really far with you or is a woman who is wasting your time.
If your woman does these, don’t just stand by and get treated like dirt, let her go or regret forever! Here are things I would like you to think about;
1. She takes her time in getting back to you
Now I get it, your woman gets really busy during the day and sometimes may not get even time to pick her phone for hours continuously. And if you message her in between time she’s really busy, chances are you may not get a response, or she might pick her phone and read the message invertedly blue-ticking you but not respond.
But here is the thing, before running off to your parents and friends with the breaking news that “hey, this woman is not interested,” a good rule of thumb is at least give her 24 hours. If within 24 hours of reaching out to this girl or saying whatever it is you have to say maybe checking upon her, have she eaten today — that kind thing, and she hasn’t got back to you, my brother, it simply means she’s not that interested.
Women may be busy. She may have lots to do but trust me as soon as she has a moment, she will be looking out to reach you, to hear from you, to receive your call and if she misses it, she’ll be in a hurry to get back to you and let you know that she genuinely missed your call.
She wants to hear from you. So if it goes beyond ideally 24 hours, and you still haven’t heard from this girl, chances are she’s not interested.
2. Cancel plans repeatedly
This is one big red flag. So you ask her for dinner on Monday, she agrees, then last minute she tells you something came up. And you ask her for dinner on Wednesday or lunch on Thursday, once again she agrees, then boom, something came up.
If you realize that you are able to draw a pattern where every time you are supposed to meet up, she’s unavailable and this is like a ridiculously continuous thing. Chances are that she’s not interested. If she’s really interested, she’s eager to see you. Trust me, she can’t be that busy. Leave her and find someone who actually wants to make time and hangout with you.
3. She calls you a friend
You have been seeing this girl for a while, you all seem to be getting along. Suddenly she’s acting a little bit cold, and you can’t actually figure it out. But okay, you all go out together, and she’s introducing you to her friends. You guys know that you’re dating, or supposedly you think that you are in a relationship with this girl, but she introduces you to her friends as a friend. Believe it, you are actually a friend. It’s not that deep.
4. If she tells you that she’s not ready
She tells you that she’s not ready for a serious relationship, she just wants you guys to be friends to see where it goes. Believe her, this is not a challenge to you to try to “win her heart over.” Just take her word for it and find someone whose ready to get into a proper relationship with you, because brother, you deserve it.
5. You are always the one to initiate contact
I get it, there are a couple of girls who will not reach out to you first because they don’t want to seem look desperate. Or will not want to be the one to call every now and again just because they don’t want to come across as desperate.
There are times that we would deliberately not call to see if you would call back and if you are interested enough. But if for some reason if she is never the one to initiate contact, like literally if you go through your WhatsApp chats or your calls, chances are you are the one whose always saying “Hello, Good morning, Hi, How was your day?, Are you okay?, and etc,” and it’s like at the beginning of every chat is always you, brother, you are wasting your time. She is so not into you. Go on and find a woman who is worth it.
6. When you escalate, she goes vague
For instance, you tell your woman how beautiful she is, she rubbishes you. You tell her about how you want to take things to the next level, and she just sheepishly laughs in your face.
Some girls just don’t want to be direct because the feel like they are going to hurt your feelings. So they would rather belittle your comment or not apply or add any weight to what you say. Trying as such trying to send a secret message across that it’s not that deep, I just want you as a friend and nothing else. That happens, pay attention and move on. She’s not that into you.
7. She blue ticks you
And it’s like permanent. She has this habit where you send a message and she just blue ticks you and that’s it, she wouldn’t even bother to come back to your respond. Like I said in the beginning, it’s okay, she may be busy all day and its easy to read a message and get distracted by work or whatever else that is happening in your space.
Like I said, in the end of the day when she’s at home laying in her bed or that moment that she rests before she goes to bed or decides to watch TV and decides to pick up her phone, at least she would scroll through her chats to see maybe who messaged her earlier in the day.
Even if she blue ticked you earlier, chances are that she was busy but now would be a good time for her to respond. But this is something she does on a regular, no matter what she reads, she takes days to respond. Truthfully, I am surprised that you are still in her chat waiting for some kind of attention. This is the biggest Red Flag you could ever find in a girls dictionary.
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Another pointer for you, read her body language. I always say the best form of communication to pay attention to is body language, the nonverbal cues, because I believe there is a wealth of information on what is not said as opposed to what is said and not followed.
You meet a girl, you try to get close to her, she pulls away When you guys are seated, and you are having a conversation with her, her body is literally tilted away from you. You are speaking to her, and she’s yawning or looking disinterested. You are talking to her, and she’s on her phone going through other guys text messages. What on earth are you waiting for?
Its so obvious that this girl is not interested, she’s really either bored by you because you are naturally a boring person or she just don’t want to be with you, why are you wasting your time again? Bro, move on!
Courtesy: Jessica Opare-Saforo